Nesting & Procrastinating

I like making lists. When I feel stressed, I make a list of all the things I need to get done and get tremendous satisfaction from checking things off of lists.  I learned this from my mom who is the queen of lists.  She even makes "lists of her lists" to keep everything straight.  Brad and I now use google docs so that we can share our lists and keep them for future use (packing lists, thank you card lists, holiday card lists, etc).  Yes I am a list dork. 

So, it should not be much of a surprise that I created a "things to do before the baby arrives" list. I'm not big on cleaning or decorating, so this list has been my form of nesting.  I also broke down the list by tasks for Brad and tasks for me to do.

For weeks we have worked to cross things off our list, such as:

• Complete pre-registration form for Sibley hospital and fax it in? Check. 
• Prepare my brother to be our person to call in the middle of the night to come watch Sam when we need to go to the hospital? Check. 
• Find and wash ALL of the baby items? Check.  
• Finish writing thank you cards from the shower? Check. 
• Draft a list of emails for the birth announcement email? Check. 
• Organize and file taxes? Check.
• Contact the mohel and rabbi about the bris? Check. 
• Make Costco list of food items for bris? Check.
• Create an evite for the bris? Check.

 Our list goes on and on. 

However, one item remains mysteriously un-checked - "Pack overnight bag for the hospital." 

This seems like the easiest thing on the list and probably one of the most important, right?  WRONG.  I don't know why, but I have consciously procrastinated on packing the overnight bag.  I just continue refusing to do it.  Brad even pulled out my travel suitcase and put it in our bedroom.  The suitcase has been a wonderful toy for Sam to roll around in our room, but it remains empty.

I went to CVS to buy some things that I would need at the hospital.  The items remain in the plastic bags untouched - although they have made their way upstairs and are on the floor next to the suitcase.  This is progress!

I do NOT want to pack this bag.  I am actively avoiding it.  I feel like the moment I pack the bag, I will go into labor immediately.  Even though the baby is now full-term, I'm just not ready.  Are you ever truly ready???  Physically, we are ready and have everything in order.  But I'm not ready.  I still can't imagine driving my car with two little boys in the back seat!

As much as I'm excited for the new baby to arrive (and to no longer be HUGE and 9 months pregnant), I feel some sadness that my time with Sam as my only child is coming to an end.  He is at such a sweet stage right now (despite the occasional outburst of being in the terrible two phase) and I want to cherish every day with him before my attention will be split between him and the baby.

So, my way of  dealing with this is quite simple - I am NOT packing the overnight bag.  Yes, I know this logic is completely irrational and makes no sense whatsoever. Especially as I am now dilated 2 cm and 80% effaced.  I know that the baby is coming and I'm excited to meet him. But, I'm just not packing a bag...yet.  I will continue with my parade of packing procrastination as long as possible.  If you see pictures of me in the hospital wearing the same clothes in every picture, you'll know why - it is because I have refused to pack a bag!