Sam Turns 2 today!

When I was pregnant with Sam, so many people told me to cherish every day because the time flies by.  Boy, were they right!  I still can't believe that just 2 short years ago, our world was turned upside down quite abruptly - and what a wild ride it has been. 

It's amazing to think about how much he has changed just in the past 12 months.  A year ago he was crawling, could only say about 5-10 words and animal sounds, loved to laugh, and was very easygoing.  He still loves to laugh, but he only crawls when he is pretending to be a dog.  He rarely walks anywhere, he usually runs full steam ahead.  He is speaking in 3-4 word sentences and can very clearly tell us what he wants. 

Although he's overall a pretty happy little guy, he certainly is not as easygoing as he used to be.  He has very strong feelings about things and lets us know when he wants something!  Just the other day, he acted like the world was ending because we put him down for a nap without pants on (he had gotten his pants dirty and it was quite warm in his room that day) - apparently he MUST wear pants for naptime, lesson learned!

He is very independent and insists on doing most things himself (I wonder where he gets the independent streak from!).  Here's an example of him insisting on carrying his lunchbox to childcare, even though it is big and quite heavy (we pack food in it for several days at a time) and he can barely walk with it - but he is determined to do it himself

He has a terrific sense of humor and loves to joke and tease. Sam has learned how to say "Becca" and "Brad" from hearing us talk to each other in the house. He now loves to scream out our names and laugh. He thinks it is hilarious.  For the last 2 months, Sam loves to joke that his name is Neal (here's a January blog post I did about him saying his name is Neal). Neal is his best friend at child care (his birthday is March 22!), the boys LOVE each other and greet each other with huge hugs every day. Although Sam definitely knows his name is Sam, he thinks it is hilarious to say that his name is Neal. We haven't heard him say that his name is Sam for several months now - until recently when Brad was at Costco and a stranger started talking to Sam and asked him what his name was. Amazingly, Sam said his name was Sam - because he knew that the stranger wouldn't understand that saying Neal would be funny because the stranger wouldn't understand the joke. Incredible.

As we prepare for life with a new baby, we are really emphasizing sharing.  He has recently learned to say the word  "share" but tends to over-generalize its meaning. As a typical 2 year  old, he doesn't share very well and when we have playdates with other  kids, he routinely tries to take toys from another kid (or another kid tries to take a toy from him) - so we are constantly reminding the kids to share. However, he over-generalizes the concept and thinks that it applies to us at home. For example, the other night he grabbed a sharpie magic marker off the desk (which he's not allowed to play with) and I went to take it away from him - and he starts yelling "No Mommy, it's mine! SHARE!" I was cracking up. every time I try to take something from him b/c he's not allowed to play with it - he starts to carry on about how I need to share with him. All he understands is that he has something and mommy wants to take it from  him and mommy isn't sharing. He also loves to taunt the dog with cheese and if she tries to eat the cheese, he yells at her SHAAARE.  Too funny!

He is VERY into cars, trucks, trains, buses - basically anything that has wheels. He loves to spin wheels on everything.

Sam on his motorcycle rocking horse from Uncle Calvin!

He loves to point out planes and helicopters in the sky - even if he can't see the plane, but can hear it - we have to stop and look around for the plane.  He is such a boy!  He still has very little interest in the baby dolls we gave him, he brought the doll over to his toy work bench the other day which cracked us up.  He enjoys cooking in his toy kitchen and spends countless hours pulling our pots and pans out of the cabinet to cook his plastic letters and make alphabet soup.

He loves to sing the ABC song and has begun to identify several letters by sight.  We are working on numbers.  He knows that he wears 2 socks, 2 shoes, and that he is turning 2!  Blue is definitely his favorite color, he likes to say that everything is blue even though he knows the colors black, brown, red, and yellow.  After most meals, he insists on being picked up so that he can push the button to turn on the CD player and listen to music.  Right now he's obsessed with "Be My Friend" (a song from my mom's program).  Check it out:

He mimics everything we do.  As you may have seen from earlier blog posts, my heightened sense of smell during the pregnancy has led to some unfortunate vomiting incidents while changing his poopy diapers (see my earlier blog post on one of the Top 5 Worst Mommy Moments).  I had a horrific repeat of this just last week, and for several days Sam went to each trash can in the house and pretended that he was vomiting into them.  Lovely.

Tonight Brad went grocery shopping with him and let him use one of Giant's "Customer in Training" toy grocery carts.  Sam went straight to the bakery and proceeded in loading his cart with cookies, donuts, cupcakes, and even tried to pick up a huge cookie pie.  Check out the video:

Because he is my child, he loves to test the limits on everything.  One of the rules in our house is that he is not allowed to stand on the brick hearth in front of the fireplace.  However, he is allowed to sit on it.  He regularly tries to test this rule and see exactly how far he can push the envelope.  Can he sit with both feet up on the hearth? Can he sit with one leg up on the hearth? Can he kneel on the hearth? Can he stand on the floor and put one foot up on it?  Exactly WHERE is the limit?  We work hard to be consistent with the rules because he routinely tries to figure out exactly what the rules are and how far he can push.  My parents always hoped that I would have a child who does this - because this is exactly what I did as a child. 

He is EXTREMELY social (I know, shocking that Brad and I would have a social kid) and insists on saying hi to everyone, everywhere we go.  He doesn't understand when strangers don't respond to his continuous yells of "HI!" and just gets louder and louder yelling "HI" until they acknowledge him and say hi in return.  He does this to neighbors who are pulling into their driveway..4 doors down.  Kids running on the street, etc.  Here's a funny video of him playing with the doorbell on the front stoop of our house, until he noticed our neighbor driving down the street - he had to stop what he was doing to wave to the neighbor in his car.

Sam's big birthday present this year will be a terrific swingset for the backyard.  We hope that the boys will enjoy this gift for many years to come.  We have spent a LOT of time researching swingsets, preparing the yard, mulch options, drainage issues, etc.  This has been quite the project.  But we found a fabulous swingset - here's a picture of one that's almost just like ours:

We are excited to celebrate Sam's birthday and will have his official party later in April after the new baby arrives.  We strive to cherish every day with our precious little boy and smell the roses.  Every day we marvel at the beauty, joy, and laughter that he brings into our lives.  We are so blessed to have such a smart, sweet, cuddly, loving, creative, curious, independent, social, and energetic son. 

Sam, we love you more than you will ever know.  It's hard to remember what our life was like before you came into the world.  As much as we try to teach you new things, you have also taught us so much about life, love, family, and about ourselves.  Thank you for being the wonderful little boy that you are.  We can't wait to see what an amazing big brother you will be and what the next year has in store for you and our family.  Happy 2nd birthday Sam!

Facing forward in the car seat - finally!

One of the big stories in the news this week (other than Japan, Libya, etc) has been the news from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) clarifying that toddlers should remain in a car seat facing backwards until they are 2 years old. I'm somewhat surprised that this is "major news" because this has been the recommendation of AAP for the past few years. (Here's a link to the story if you're interested)

Brad and I may be relaxed on certain parts of parenting...Sam's bedtime is very fluid, we let Sam drink apple juice (gasp!), and even some sugary desserts at times (double gasp!) etc.  However, there are certain things that we've been very strict about -  and keeping him facing backwards in the carseat is one of them.

Most of our other mommy/daddy friends are regularly shocked when they see us putting Sam in the carseat facing backwards.  Most people turn their kids to facing forward as soon as they are allowed to - usually around 12 months.  "Doesn't he get bored?" they ask us.  He has never faced forward so how does he know that facing forwards is more "exciting" than backwards?

"Aren't you worried about his legs being squished into the back of the seat?" they ask us.  As my pediatrician said, if you got into an accident, would you rather have a child with broken legs (from sitting backwards) vs a broken neck/head (from sitting forwards before the age of 2)?  Clearly, a broken head would be worse than broken legs!

Sam turns 2 this week and we JUST turned his car seat facing forward about a week ago.  It was a very exciting event in our house!  As the car started to pull out of the garage with Sam facing forward, he realized that he actually got to ride like that and yelled out "WHOA!"  Here's a picture of his very excited face facing forward for the first time:

He loves facing forward and looking out at the world.  His entire perspective on car rides has changed and he looks forward to being in the car.  However, I am very proud of our decision to keep him facing backwards for 2 years - especially in light of all the news stories this week about keeping toddlers backwards until 2. Safety first!

39 weeks!

It's quite surreal and fantastic for me to say that I'm 39 weeks pregnant.  According to my last 2 doctor appointments, we are expecting the baby "any day now."  They think it it's unlikely we'll go to the due date (March 28th), but who really knows!  I have had a pretty bad cold for the past few days and my doctor has strongly urged me to take it easy and get rid of this cold so that I can breathe during labor, which is probably a good idea I suppose! 

So my goals for this week are to a) rest and get healthy; b) enjoy the fleeting days of life with only 1 kiddo; and c) celebrate Sam's second birthday on Thursday March 24th (baby boy - can you please NOT arrive on Thursday? Sam doesn't share very well these days, so I'd like to not have to require him to share his birthday. Thanks!).

I am tentatively scheduled to be induced on Tuesday March 29th at 7am if baby boy hasn't made an appearance on his own before then.  It feels strange to know that there is a definite end date to all of this - there's a finite amount of time left in the pregnancy!

Baby boy is still quite active and keeping me up at all hours of the night.  I am pretty much up every 2-3 hours.  If I'm going to be on a newborn's schedule, I might as well have a newborn to feed and take care of, right!?

This past weekend I read Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy.  Although I certainly don't agree with her take on immunizations/autism - the book was an entertaining quick read.  I could definitely relate to some of her "what the hec is going on in my pregnant body" moments.

For example, my ankles no longer exist.  Someone has stolen my ankles.  They have been replaced with huge swollen sausages.  I can't even bear to look at them any more, they're so ridiculous.  My wrists are bloated too, I can't wear my favorite tennis bracelet and my rings are officially living in my jewelry box.  Brad's dutifully taken on the role of giving me nightly back rubs.  Sam is very proficient at picking things up off the floor for me when they drop - he thinks it is a terrific game (although he usually then drops it back on the floor and laughs, picks it up again, drops it and laughs, etc).  I almost fainted when I saw my weight gain last week on the scale since my eating habits haven't changed lately - but the nurse assured me that it was just water weight since I've swollen so much over the past week.  Let's hope she's right!

Coincidentally, two years ago today, March 21, 2009, was the day my water broke with Sam and I went into the hospital to begin 3 agonizing days of pre-term labor that ended with a beautiful and premature 32 week old baby. As you may have read in my blog post on Sam's 1st birthday about his birth story, it was quite an emotional and scary experience.  I feel much more ready this time and know more of what to expect once the baby arrives - although I've never been through this feeling of "will today be the day? will my water break" excitement and wonderment that accompanies the end of a full term pregnancy.  It is truly an amazing feeling to be READY for a baby's arrival - quite different than what I experienced with Sam's early birth. 

Over the weekend, we actually packed most of our overnight bags for the hospital - which is a big deal for me (see my earlier blog post about my decision to NOT pack a bag yet). Applause please. 

I am so grateful to have made it to 39 weeks.  Every night when we put Sam to bed, we say the V'havta which is a Jewish prayer said when you go to sleep at night.  We chant it together in Hebrew and in English and then we each say a few things that we're thankful for that day.  For the last few months, every night I say that I am thankful to still be pregnant and that baby boy is doing well.  Although I'm still quite thankful that baby boy is healthy and doing well and that the pregnancy has lasted this long - I'm officially ready to NO LONGER BE PREGNANT! I'll keep you all posted!

Women of Purim - Comparing the biblical figure of Queen Esther and Bella Abzug, the first Jewish woman elected to the U.S. Congress

Last year our synagogue's rabbi was on sabbatical during the spring, so various members of our congregation were asked to lead Sabbath services and deliver sermons.  I led services during the week of Purim, one of my favorite holidays (here's some background on the holiday of Purim if you are not familiar). 

My sermon was well received and I thought my blog readers might enjoy reading it as Purim is this weekend.  It compares the biblical figure of Queen Esther and Bella Abzug, the first Jewish woman elected to the U.S. Congress.  Both women fought for justice and liberation while adopting personas that helped them to achieve their goals. Enjoy!

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Queen Esther and Bella Abzug: Costumes, leadership, and identity


On Purim we dress in costume to create a new persona. We delight in unexpected images. We poke holes in the humdrum everyday roles of men and women, rich and poor, young and old. Our assumptions about people shift, and thus, the holiday transforms us.

People often choose different costumes and personas as a strategic tool to help them stand up against injustice. Today, we will focus on two remarkable Jewish women: The biblical figure, Esther, and the historical figure, Bella Abzug. Both women fought for justice and liberation, adopting personas that helped them to achieve their goals. Bella Abzug tells us how she decided to wear distinctive hats and gloves as a strategy for overcoming the disregard she experienced as a young female attorney fighting for justice.

The times and places with which they are identified had little in common: Persia in the 5th Century BCE and the United States in the 20th Century CE. Bella Abzug was a central figure in the emergence of second wave US feminism, while Esther’s biblical Shushan was a society where women could be legally banished for disobeying their husbands. While Bella’s husband, Martin, did household tasks so his wife could be a successful attorney and member of the U.S. Congress, Esther spent a year beautifying herself in the palace before her one chance to prove herself worthy of being chosen by King Ahasuerus to be his queen.

Still, their narratives have similarities. Both Bella Abzug and Esther were courageous women, involved in high stake political power struggles. Both women took a stand for the Jews. They each faced discrimination towards women. Each of them used their wits in threatening situations. And both women chose an appearance and a persona that helped them to achieve their goals.

What lessons do Esther and Bella Abzug each have to teach us about leadership? How did their dress either hide or reveal their true selves? What messages did their “costumes” send? Let’s look at their stories to answer these questions.

According to the megilla, the biblical Esther hid her true identity. She wore the “mask” of a Gentile when she entered King Ahasuerus’s court. She also took on the appearance of a docile and obedient queen. However, as the Purim story unfolds, Esther’s disguises fall away. She reveals her courage when she risks her life to approach King Ahasuerus. As the Purim story reaches its climax, Esther discloses her Jewish identity, and in doing so she wins the safety of the Jewish people.

Now let’s fast forward approximately 25 centuries to Bella Abzug, who was born in 1920 in the Bronx. Abzug contested society’s expectations for women in order to battle for justice directly and publicly. Her appearance, manner, and words all communicated a message of liberation. She refused to hide her strength, intelligence, love of life, and fury.

When Bella Abzug was a young attorney, people often ignored and dismissed her, mistaking her for a secretary.  When she went to represent her law firm anywhere, she said, “How do you do? I’m Bella Abzug from the law firm of such and such,” and people would say, “Yes, fine, fine, sit down.” So she’d wait and nothing much would happen, so finally she’d clear my throat and say, “I’m Bella Abzug from the law firm of such and such,” and they’d say, “Yes, we know, but we’re waiting.” she’d say, “What are we waiting for?” And they’d say, “We’re waiting for the lawyer.” They thought she was the secretary.  She realized that she had this identity crisis.

She went home and discussed it with her husband, Martin. In those days professional women wore hats—and gloves, so she put on gloves and a hat. And every time she went anywhere for business, with the hat and gloves, they knew she was there for business.

By the time Abzug became a prominent political figure in the 1970s, a hat no longer symbolized the professional role which she had sought to represent. By then, her flamboyant hats had become a singular emblem that symbolized her bold, valiant, and indefatigable spirit. Thus, her costume allowed her to be seen as the truly powerful woman she was.

Abzug began to challenge societal expectations of women early in her life. Abzug treasured her Jewish upbringing. As a girl she regularly went to synagogue with her grandfather and memorized the prayers. Abzug was influenced by the Jewish values her father exemplified, of loving peace and offering respect to everyone. But when her father died when she was twelve, Bella defied tradition to say Kaddish for him every day for a year in the Orthodox synagogue in which she was raised.  From her Jewish upbringing, Abzug derived both a belief in justice and a commitment to seeing that no one should be excluded from its benefits and responsibilities.

From childhood, Abzug aspired to become an attorney. When she was rejected from Harvard Law School, because it didn’t admit women, she went to Columbia University’s law school on a scholarship at a time when few lawyers were women.

Abzug took vocal and visible stands on the issues of civil rights, the environment, women’s rights, nuclear weapons, the Vietnam War and gay rights. She was one of the few attorneys willing to fight against the House Un-American Activities Committee during the McCarthy era. In 1950, Abzug risked her life in Mississippi to plead for clemency in a rape trial against a black man. Pregnant and alone, she spent the night locked in a bathroom in a bus station to avoid the Ku Klux Klan. She famously declared "This woman’s place is in the House—the House of Representatives" in her successful 1970 campaign to join that body when she became the first Jewish woman in the United States Congress.  I actually had a bumper sticker with this quote on the door of my freshman dorm room in college.

Abzug also fought for the Jewish people. She called for freedom for Soviet Jewry and supported aid to Israel. She led the fight to condemn the UN General Assembly’s 1975 resolution which equated Zionism with racism.

Both biblical Esther and Bella Abzug consciously chose images that could help them win important battles. What lessons do they have to teach us? How do women today hide their identities in order to fight for justice? When does our dress become a message of freedom and when does it distract people from hearing important messages? How do women of today alter their appearance to conform to society’s image of beauty? These are some questions that Purim and these two inspiring women pose to us today.   Shabbat shalom.

10 things I've learned since I became a Mom

I literally know 35+ women who are currently pregnant, many of whom are pregnant with their first.  Since I'm the first of many of my friends to have a baby, they frequently have turned to me for advice which I'm happy to share.  As I prepare for my second baby, I took a few minutes to think about some of the most practical, useful things I've learned since I became a mom.  Here's my top 10 list, although I'm sure I left things off the list - so if you have things to add, jump in and leave your thoughts!

10.  NEVER wake a sleeping baby.  Every time I woke a sleeping baby (or toddler), I regretted it! 

9.    Only buy white socks.  I bought many different colors/patterns of cute socks with Sam and we inevitably lost 1 sock from about 90% of these pairs - making the remaining sock completely useless.  Babies and toddlers love to take their socks off and throw them places (or even hide them).  White  (or one color) socks are the way to go!

8.    Invest in batteries.  Costco (my favorite store on the planet) has great prices on batteries.  EVERY children's toy lights up, makes noise, vibrates, shakes, etc - and they all require 27 batteries each.   Before we had Sam, we never used batteries for anything.  Now, we go through a ton of batteries, it's ridiculous. 

7.    Dogs are invaluable with toddlers.  Our dog Lucy has many many roles in our house.  She is the vacuum cleaner and regularly eats all of the food that Sam graciously throws to the ground under his highchair.  She is the entertainer - we regularly use her to distract him from getting into something.  She is the calmer - Sam can be crying hysterically and miserable, but lights up as soon as he sees the dog.  Dogs are WONDERFUL (even though Lucy isn't overly in love with Sam...as you may have read in my previous post about Life with Lucy the Dog).

6.    Moms help other Moms.  I can't even count the number of times I've been out somewhere with Sam and another Mom is in need of a wipe, diaper, band-aid, snack, etc.  I have frequently given wipes and other such items to complete strangers.  And there have been times when I have needed something for Sam, and another Mom opens up her diaper bag to me as well.  Moms must stick together!  The best advice I've received about raising my child has been from other moms - there are so many things you can't learn from reading a book.  When Sam was born, I was so unsure of how tight his diaper needed to be, how to cut his nails, etc - but other moms showed me what to do and taught me some invaluable lessons. 

5.   Expect the unexpected.   Toddlers are most likely to spill something, break something, poop, or throw a tantrum in the 30 seconds right before you are about to get in the car to go somewhere and will cause you to be late.  Here's a classic example from one of my Top 5 Worst Mommy Moments

4.  Once you figure something out, your child will change and you have to learn something new.  The first child can be such a challenge because you really have no idea what you're doing and once you begin to figure it out, it changes.  For example, it takes months to really perfect the skill of nursing - and as soon as you establish a good nursing routine, you have to start to introduce baby food.  It then takes a while for your baby to get the hang of eating pureed carrots from a spoon, but once he figures it out - BAM, let's introduce finger food.  Ok, we got the hang of finger food, we're in a good groove - BAM, start weaning them off the bottle and off baby food so he's only eating table food.  It goes on and on and on...

 3. You will never sleep the same way you did before you had kids.  I LOVE sleeping.  Before Sam, we would sleep until 10 or 11am on the weekends and sometimes even take naps in the afternoon.  I was an incredibly heavy sleeper and sometimes slept through my alarm.  My best advice to pregnant friends is to SLEEP as much as they can!  Now, I can't sleep past 8am even if I'm away on vacation without Sam.  I never understood the idea of an "internal alarm clock" but now I do.  I can't even tell you the last time I set my alarm clock - I don't even use it any more.  Sam is always up between 630-7am, occasionally he sleeps as late as 730am.  We recently began to turn the monitor off at night, but I still wake up constantly thinking that I heard him crying.  I HATE that I've become such a light sleeper.  It sucks.   Sam has slept through the night since he was 4 months old, he's a terrific sleeper - but my sleep may never be the same again.  I am still in denial that we are about to begin the sleepless nights of life with a newborn again.

2.     You know your child better than anyone else, always listen to the voice inside your head.  People love to give unsolicited advice about everything.  I'll never forget the woman in a store who criticized me for dressing Sam in two unmatching socks (see number 9 above).  Or the woman who saw me giving Sam a bottle and said "you know, breast is best" (to which I responded, well, good thing this is breastmilk in the bottle - and hello, do I know you?).  I always appreciate helpful advice from friends, but at the end of the day, I remember that I know my child better than anyone.  I know when to ask for help and have learned that when in doubt about a medical condition, it is better to err on the safeside and take him to the doctor.  The worst thing that can happen is that the doctor tells me that everything is fine - I'd much rather that than something bad happening to my child (here's my horror story from Sam's ER visit and 4 day stay in the hospital in July 2010 from a virus)

1.  There is no sweeter sound than hearing your child say "Mommy."  Being a mom is probably the hardest thing I've ever done - and also the most wonderful.  It is challenging and exhausting.  It is also rewarding, gratifying, and heart-warming.  I always knew that you loved your kids, but I never knew that you also fell in love with them.

Pregnant at 38 weeks!

First let me say that I still can't believe that I've made it this far. A friend recently said to me, "Congrats on reaching full term - I imagine that means much more to you than most women."  This is so so true. 

However, I'm quickly learning that the end of 3rd trimester is not so much fun.  Overall I'm feeling ok but my blood pressure numbers continue to be a roller coaster.  I have to take my bp twice/day on my home bp machine.  Sam is very interested in the bp machine and watches me intently when I take my bp.  The other day, completely on his own, he put the blood pressure cuff on his own arm (perfectly!) and started the machine to take his own blood pressure.  How smart is he!

My ankles and wrists are swollen - I can't even wear my favorite tennis bracelet that Brad gave me a few years ago.  My rings are becoming tight on my fingres.  I feel huge and have officially reached the "waddling" stage of pregnancy.

When I drop something on the ground, I really have to think twice about how badly I need that item before I decide whether or not to pick it up.  Thankfully, Sam loves to pick things up for me (one of the benefits of having a toddler around during pregnancy!).

Baby boy is extremely active and keeps me up at all hours of the night.  Unfortunately, my sleep has been terrible recently.  I generally sleep from about 1130pm - 3am, I'm up from 3-530am and then sleep again until about 7am.  I think that my body is preparing for the 3 hour feeding schedule once the baby arrives and is helping me get ready for the sleep deprivation, perhaps if I feel sleep deprived now, it won't be so bad once the baby arrives??? Argh.  It's loads of fun.  Thank GOODNESS for tivo!  And I'm discovering that there are some terrific shows on late at night.  Who knew that there are reruns of Family Ties & Doogie Howser on tv at 4am, I love it!

My eating habits continue to be odd and I still LOVE Taco Bell (I have no idea why).  I'm also in love with Chef Boyardee ravioli, poptarts, pizza, and Cadbury eggs.   I try my best to eat healthy, but sometimes YO QUIERO TACO BELL!  Thankfully, my obsession with pears has lasted throughout the entire pregnancy and I regularly eat 2 pears/day.

Braxton Hicks contractions are here in full force, sometimes as frequent as occuring every 5 minutes for 90 minutes.  Just as I begin to wonder if they are more than Braxton Hicks, they go away.  I recently got a Verizon iPhone (which I LOVE!) and installed a "Contraction Timer" app which has been amazingly helpful in tracking the contractions.  Whew, just had to stop writing this blog because of a contraction. 

The contractions are apparently quite productive.  As of March 10th, I was dilated 2cm and 80% effaced.  We still have no idea when the baby will arrive, but the doctor seemed to think it would be within the next week or so - he said that he would be "very surprised" if I was still pregnant in 2 weeks.  They're still discussing induction but no decision has been made yet.  Who knows.

I don't know why, but as soon as the doctor's appointment ended last week - I burst into tears and sobbed to Brad.  Yes, the waterworks are here too.  The other night I watched Brad read a story to Sam before bedtime and was overwhelmed by emotion at the sweet sight of watching them - and the tears began to stream down my face.  Both Brad and Sam were like "What is wrong???"

We're trying to prepare Sam for the baby but he really has no idea that his world is about to be turned upside down.  We have several big brother books and he points to my belly and says "baby", but he also points to his belly and says "baby" so I'm not so sure how much he understands.  We bought him a gift that we'll bring home from the hospital for Sam as a gift "from the baby."  I'm a little nervous about the transition - any suggestions are welcome!

No, I still have not packed a bag (see my blog post about intentionally procrastinating on packing the overnight bag).  But, I'm feeling more and more ready - although I don't know if you are ever fully ready for a new baby.  I'm just taking things 1 day at a time, it's pretty exciting to know that things could change at a moment's notice! I will certainly keep you all posted!

Nesting & Procrastinating

I like making lists. When I feel stressed, I make a list of all the things I need to get done and get tremendous satisfaction from checking things off of lists.  I learned this from my mom who is the queen of lists.  She even makes "lists of her lists" to keep everything straight.  Brad and I now use google docs so that we can share our lists and keep them for future use (packing lists, thank you card lists, holiday card lists, etc).  Yes I am a list dork. 

So, it should not be much of a surprise that I created a "things to do before the baby arrives" list. I'm not big on cleaning or decorating, so this list has been my form of nesting.  I also broke down the list by tasks for Brad and tasks for me to do.

For weeks we have worked to cross things off our list, such as:

• Complete pre-registration form for Sibley hospital and fax it in? Check. 
• Prepare my brother to be our person to call in the middle of the night to come watch Sam when we need to go to the hospital? Check. 
• Find and wash ALL of the baby items? Check.  
• Finish writing thank you cards from the shower? Check. 
• Draft a list of emails for the birth announcement email? Check. 
• Organize and file taxes? Check.
• Contact the mohel and rabbi about the bris? Check. 
• Make Costco list of food items for bris? Check.
• Create an evite for the bris? Check.

 Our list goes on and on. 

However, one item remains mysteriously un-checked - "Pack overnight bag for the hospital." 

This seems like the easiest thing on the list and probably one of the most important, right?  WRONG.  I don't know why, but I have consciously procrastinated on packing the overnight bag.  I just continue refusing to do it.  Brad even pulled out my travel suitcase and put it in our bedroom.  The suitcase has been a wonderful toy for Sam to roll around in our room, but it remains empty.

I went to CVS to buy some things that I would need at the hospital.  The items remain in the plastic bags untouched - although they have made their way upstairs and are on the floor next to the suitcase.  This is progress!

I do NOT want to pack this bag.  I am actively avoiding it.  I feel like the moment I pack the bag, I will go into labor immediately.  Even though the baby is now full-term, I'm just not ready.  Are you ever truly ready???  Physically, we are ready and have everything in order.  But I'm not ready.  I still can't imagine driving my car with two little boys in the back seat!

As much as I'm excited for the new baby to arrive (and to no longer be HUGE and 9 months pregnant), I feel some sadness that my time with Sam as my only child is coming to an end.  He is at such a sweet stage right now (despite the occasional outburst of being in the terrible two phase) and I want to cherish every day with him before my attention will be split between him and the baby.

So, my way of  dealing with this is quite simple - I am NOT packing the overnight bag.  Yes, I know this logic is completely irrational and makes no sense whatsoever. Especially as I am now dilated 2 cm and 80% effaced.  I know that the baby is coming and I'm excited to meet him. But, I'm just not packing a bag...yet.  I will continue with my parade of packing procrastination as long as possible.  If you see pictures of me in the hospital wearing the same clothes in every picture, you'll know why - it is because I have refused to pack a bag!

Letter to Baby Boy #2

As we prepare for life with two little boys, I wanted to take a minute to reflect on my hopes and prayers for baby boy #2.  As much as pregnancy can have its downsides, a pregnant woman also develops an incredible connection to her child in utero.  I'm so excited to meet him and jotted down some thoughts in a letter I wrote to him:

Dear Baby Boy,

We can't wait to meet you in just a matter of days! Your room is ready for your arrival and you have already received so many beautiful gifts from our family and friends.  Your daddy and I are so grateful that you have patiently awaited your entry into the world and you are now full-term!

I pray that your birth will be uncomplicated and that we you will arrive healthy with 10 fingers and 10 toes.

I pray that your big brother Sam will be one of the first people you meet and your first friend.  My relationship with your uncle D is one of the most important relationships in my life, and I hope that you and Sam will develop a very close bond over the years to come.

I pray that you know and feel how very much you are loved and cherished in our home.  We are so blessed to bring you into a very wide circle of friends, neighbors, and relatives who provide incredible support in our lives.  There may be times when you don't want to talk to me or your dad about something, but I hope that you always remember how many adults are in your life who will be here to help you and support you - and listen to you.

I pray that your dad and I are able to raise you in a way that helps you appreciate how much you have and we can instill in you a desire to give back to your community.  I pray that you understand how very fortunate you are to never go to bed hungry and that you will want to help those around you because so many people in the world don't have what you have.

I pray that you grow up to be curious and inquisitive.  I hope that you share my yearning for travel and learning about other cultures and other people.  I hope that you learn new things about the world and about other people every day - and through those experiences, you will learn new things about yourself. 

I pray that you don't always get what you want and that you will fall down at times.  Although your dad and I enjoy many successes in our lives, both personally and professionally, we have both failed at things too.  We have learned extraordinary lessons when we have not gotten what we wanted or when things didn't work out as we had hoped.  If you shoot for the moon and miss, you will still be among the stars.

I pray that when you do fall down, that you will have the resilience and support to help you get back up again.  I hope that you will reach out and let people help you in your times of need - because so many people love you and want to help you.

I pray that you find a spiritual and religious community to guide you and help you find meaning in your life.

I pray that you find joy in every day activities - whether it is playing with our wonderful dog Lucy, playing on a swingset, or swimming in a pool, I hope that you laugh every day of your life.  Your brother Sam truly has a zest for life and laughter, I hope that he will share that joy with you and teach you to enjoy life with the same excitement that he does.

I pray that you find love and someone to share your life with.  Your dad and I work hard to create a home in which you and Sam can understand the beauty and challenges of marriage.

I pray that you are interested in and passionate about many things throughout your life. I pray that you find activities, hobbies, or sport that you enjoy. Daddy and I hope to expose you to as many things as we can - nature, theater, ethnic food, traveling the world, music, sports, community service, social action, religion, and of course, politics!

I pray that you enjoy reading and learning.  I hope that you are inquisitive and ask questions about everything.  Reading introduces you to the world - whether you are reading books, magazines, the news, blogs, etc - I hope that you enjoy reading and learning.  Your brother Sam loves reading books and looks forward to sharing with you some of his favorite stories.
I pray that you enjoy good health throughout your life.  I know that you will have your fair share of colds, viruses, and other illnesses - but I hope that those are only temporary moments in your life.  Your dad and I will strive to create a healthy environment full of fresh air, healthy food, and plenty of exercise (just ask your brother Sam who RUNS everywhere).

I pray that you know that Daddy and I  will always be here for you when you need us - and we will also be here even when you don't want us around.  I pray that you will be independent and self-sufficient (probably more so than I might like!).  I know that this will probably cause fights down the road, but Daddy and I love you so very very much and will always work hard to look out for your best interests (even when you may disagree!).

We can't wait to meet you and shower you with all the love in the world! We look forward to hugging and kissing you, snuggling, cuddling, smelling your sweet baby smell, not sleeping (well maybe we're not looking forward to that part quite as much), and introducing you to your brother Sam.

Until then sweet boy who loves to have a dance party in my belly at all hours of the night!

Love,
Mommy & Daddy

March 1 = Achieving My Own Personal Goal

It's no secret that this pregnancy has had some challenges.  I've been on modified bedrest since January 7th.  Since Sam was born at 32 weeks, getting past 32 weeks was HUGE for me (see my blog at 32 weeks in this pregnancy).

Throughout all of my pregnancies, I've worked hard to "keep my eyes on the prize."  One of my good friends shared some invaluable advice with me.  When you first find out you're pregnant, it can be hard to imagine the due date becuase 40 weeks is a very long time!  She told me that she found it helpful to just focus on getting through to the next doctor's appointment. 

First you focus on getting to the first ultrasound (for me, it was 6 weeks), then 8 weeks, then 12 weeks, etc.  I've had a LOT of doctor's appointments so I've had a lot of short-term goals that have helped to break down the stress and keep me focused on something very close in time.  I've had least 3 doctors appointments/month since 12 weeks and I've been going 1x/week since 28 weeks.  Rather than focusing on my March 28 due date, I find it incredibly helpful to just focus on getting through to the next doctor's appointment.

When I say "getting through" - this is my way of coping with the stress and worries that can cloud one's mind during pregnancy.  Fears about miscarriage during the 1st trimester.  Concerns about the baby growing and developing normally.  Worries about the baby arriving early during 3rd trimester. 

 But throughout ALL of this, I've had one big overall goal.  Here's what I wrote in a blog several months ago: "My goal is to make it to at least March 1, at which point I will be 36 weeks along.  Although my due date is not until March 28, I will be very very happy if baby boy #2 is born anytime during March."

I am SO proud to say that today is March 1 and as of yesterday I was 36 weeks along!  Monday March 7 will mark 37 weeks which will officially be full-term!  As much I am usually an optimist, I honestly never thought I'd make it this far in the pregnancy - I feel very very happy and proud today. :)

The baby is doing well, he is about 5 and 1/2 pounds and very very active.  He has given me quite the digestive challenges (can you say HEARTBURN 24/7!?!), but I appreciate that I can regularly feel him kicking/punching up a storm.  Over the next few weeks we expect him to gain about 1 oz/day (which is about 1/2 pound/week). 

Here's the most recent ultrasound picture:

HURRAY for reaching my own personal goal of making it to March.  WOO HOO!