My Split Lifestyle

I was recently at a Mommy & Me activity and one of my good friends asked me how things are going at work.   Another mom, who I didn't know, overheard this and we had the following conversation:

Her:  So, do you work part-time? 
Me:  Yes, I work 3 days/week
Her:  What do you do?
Me: I'm a lawyer.
Her: (giving me a dumb-founded look) REALLY?
Me: No, I'm kidding. 
Her: Oh ok, I didn't think you could be a part-time lawyer. 
Me: No, I was joking about kidding - I really am a lawyer. 

At this point in the conversations I apologized for being a smart ass and didn't mean to be obnoxious.  We laughed it off and chatted for a while - but it reminded me of my split lifestyle and how very different my two worlds are.  I am very very blessed to work for a big law firm (500+ attorneys across the world) that allows me to work "part-time."  I am in the office Wed, Thurs, Frid and work from home as needed on Mon/Tues of each week.  So basically, my week is split in half.  Sat - Tues, I am very much involved in Mommy & Me playgroups, Little Gym, etc (albeit on my blackberry...).  Then, Wed - Frid, I'm corporate lawyer.  

Inevitably it comes out in conversation on the playground every now and then that I'm not a full-time stay at home mom (even though I look and act like it on Mon/Tues of each week).  When other moms find out that not only do I work part-time, but that I'm a lawyer at a big firm - they look at me like I have two heads.  I think it's pretty unusual for a big firm to allow me such a wonderfully flexible schedule. 

When I prepared to return to work from my 6 month maternity leave with Sam, I had a hard time envisioning what my life would look like.   Every mom has such tough decisions to make about whether to go back to work, whether to stay home with a new baby, and whether to do a combination of both.  I was so lucky to have a 6 month maternity leave and a flexible employer. 

I feel like a lot of moms judge other moms about the decisions whether or not to work - and we really do ourselves a disservice by judging like this.  Being a mom is hard work no matter what and we really need to support each other.  Being a stay at home mom is SO hard.  I have such respect for my friends who are home with their kids full-time.  My days at work are usually more relaxing than my days home with Sam.  I can actually go to the bathroom by myself!  No poopie diapers! I can actually catch up on email!  Moms who work out of the house full-time also have tough challenges to find suitable child care, a decent schedule, and feelings of guilt.

For me, I needed to find something in between.  Although I loved my 6 month maternity leave, I don't think I'd be happy being a full-time stay at home mom.  I also don't think I'd be happy working 60+ hours/week in the office.  I feel like my flexible schedule has been an amazing gift that allows me to continue my career but still enjoy so much time with Sam - a gift that I will forever be grateful for.   However, I am looking forward to having time home with him this spring/summer on maternity leave with baby boy #2!

Leaving him Wednesday mornings to go to work is tough because it's the transition from my 4 days home with him into the 3 days at work.   But, we've found a great routine and excellent childcare in a in-home childcare that has 5-6 kids and 2 teachers.  My friend sent her daughter there and LOVED it which is how we found it.  We've been extremely happy with the care.

My mom frequently says that when she used to drop me off at childcare (she also worked part-time while we were young), I would cry and scream every single day and it would break her heart.  Luckily, Sam gives us a quick hug and runs to play with his friends without even batting an eye that we're leaving.  Some days we're lucky to even get a hug goodbye! 

As much as I cherish my split lifestyle, there are some days when it is very challenging.   Yesterday morning was one of the hardest I've had in a very long time.  Because I worked from home during the days between Christmas & New Year's, I was home with Sam for 13 days straight which was the longest amount of time I'd been with him non-stop since I was on maternity leave.  Usually Brad drops him off Wed am b/c I have a hard time Wed am after being with him for 4 days, much less 13 days.  Brad had to leave crazy early for a work breakfast so Sam and I had the morning to ourselves.  He was in such a sweet, cuddly, silly mood yesterday morning that I just didn't want to leave the house to drop him off.  We played for a solid 2.5 hours before I had to leave to drop him off...leaving him was really hard and I could feel the tears coming but I waited until I got to the car.

I was worried that Sam would have a hard time with the adjustment back to the babysitter's too, but he just gave me a hug and ran off to play (and drag his cooler on the ground, one of his favorite things to do).  That at least made it easier and then I cried for another half hour on the way to work.   I suppose my raging pregnancy hormones MIGHT have something to do with the crazy tears, but it was not fun and I was very happy to get back home to him last night! 

Amidst the tears on the way to work, I called my mom to commiserate and she said - "Just think that it is a GOOD thing that you feel sad when you drop him off.  How many moms are HAPPY to drop off their kids and don't want to deal with them?"  Granted, there are certainly days when I'm home with Sam all day and very ready for Brad to come home so I can have a break.  Taking time for myself and away from my child is a very healthy thing - but I am so blessed to have a child who I not only love, but thoroughly enjoy.